beginning
by hayumo
Summary: Sanzo hates the rain. Goku wants to know why. Sanzo x goku
1. goku's side

Goku woke up that night knowing that something was going to happen. He just didn't know _what_. It took him a few moments to get his bearings, to realize where he was. Also, to notice that it was raining. And, of course, as always when it rained, Sanzo had wandered away, probably to brood.

Sanzo's bed was empty, the blankets bunched up. The ashtray had a few Marlboro butts in it, and a glass of ice-water sat beside it on the bedside table.

Goku touched the pillow. It was still warm. Sanzo had been there a few minutes ago. Goku decided to look for him.

_He can't have gone very far… _Goku thought. He went out into the hallway and then turned left. He crept softly by the numerous closed doors, careful not to betray his presence. Soon he came to the lobby, which, at this hour, was deserted, except for one lone figure sitting in the big bay window, watching the rain run in rivulets down the slick glass.

_Sanzo…_ Goku always felt bad when he saw Sanzo like that. Goku watched him silently.

Sanzo lit a cigarette and took a drag.

Soundlessly, Goku went and got Sanzo an ashtray and set it down beside him.

Sanzo looked at him. "What are you doing out of bed, saru?"

Goku looked back at him. "Looking for _you_. I can't sleep…"

"Why do you think you need to follow me? I don't need to be looked after. I'm not a child. Go back to bed." Sanzo flicked ash from the tip of his cigarette into the ashtray. He redirected his attention to the rain that still fell.

_Why does he do this every time it rains? What happened to him?_ Goku stepped closer. "If ya don't like the rain, then how come ya always go to the window and watch it? If I didn't like rain, I wouldn't watch."

Sanzo glared at Goku. "Well, it's a good thing that I'm not you, isn't it?"

"I just don't get why ya do this... Every time it rains, you stare out th' stupid window an' sulk! An' ya always get so _mean_!"

"It's none of your business, monkey!" Sanzo's tone was warning, but Goku paid no heed.

"I think it is my business! You're my friend whether ya like it or not, an' I care 'bout ya, Sanzo! I don't like seein' ya like this! I just wanna help ya…" the last was almost like a plea.

Sanzo said, quietly, "If you want to help so bad, try going away."

"No! I'm not gonna 'go away'! I'm gonna stay here with ya an' keep ya company until the rain stops. 'Kay, Sanzo?" Goku looked at him.

"What ever…"


	2. sanzo's side

_The rain… all I hear is the rain…_ Sanzo sat up. "Dammit…" he said softly. He glanced over at the unmoving lump in the other bed and sighed. It wasn't fair. Why could he sleep while Sanzo was being haunted by the demons of his past? Sanzo had half a mind to go and hit the monkey with his infamous paper fan of doom. Instead, he got up and left the room quietly.

Sanzo walked silently down the hall, the sound of the rain ringing in his ears, bringing unwanted memories back to the surface. He saw the window and went toward it. Seating himself there, he took out a cigarette and lit it. In a few moments, Goku was there with an ashtray that he set softly beside Sanzo. "What are you doing out of bed, saru?"

The young youkai looked back at him with those golden eyes and shifted uneasily. "Looking for _you. _I can't sleep…"he said softly.

Sanzo sighed inwardly. _Baka _"Why do you think you need to follow me? I don't need to be looked after. I'm not a child. Go back to bed." He flicked ash from the tip of his cigarette and looked back out the window.

Goku stepped forward. "if ya don't like the rain, then how come ya always go to the window and watch it? If I didn't like rain, I wouldn't watch."

Sanzo was mildly surprised at the monkey's audacity. "Well, it's a good thing that I'm not you, isn't it?" He was becoming irritated with the whole thing. He just wanted solitude.

"I just don't get why ya do this... Every time it rains, you stare out th' stupid window an' sulk! An' ya always get so _mean_!" He was getting bolder.

"It's none of your business, monkey!" Sanzo was quickly losing patience with the situation, and he gave his voice an edge that said, _Don't go any further or you'll regret it._

"I think it is my business! You're my friend whether ya like it or not, an' I care 'bout ya, Sanzo! I don't like seein' ya like this! I just wanna help ya…" Amazing. He was actually begging.

Sanzo hated the begging. Sanzo felt a prick of regret, but shook it off quickly. Softly, he said, "If you want to help so bad, try going away."

"No! I'm not gonna go away! I'm gonna stay here with ya and keep ya company until the rain stops. "Kay, Sanzo?"

Sanzo gave in. "Whatever..." _Its not like the baka gives me much of a choice..._ " Why do you do this?"

Goku looked confused. "Wha-"

"Why do you follow me every where like a lost dog? Why do you always have to be where I am? Why can't you just leave me alone? Why? Do you even know how irritating it is to be constantly seeing you? No matter where I turn, you're there! Can't I have **_any_** peace? Ever?" Sanzo took a deep breath. "Do you**_ have_** to always be up my goddamn ass?"

Goku's eyes were wide and full of hurt at Sanzo's outburst. "Sanzo..." His eyes were filling with tears. "Why...Why do you hate me so much?"

Startlled by the question, Sanzo looked at Goku. _Aw, shit..._ He realized he'd hurt him. The sorrow and regret threatened to suffocate him, but he fought it viciously back, putting his wall of indifference and cynicism upfor protection. " Go away."

Goku looked at him with those stricken golden eyes.

Sanzo felt something in him rebelling, wanting to say he was sorry, wanting to hug the saru and say he hadn't meant it, and he almost gave in, but he snapped instead, saying, "Go! Get out of my sight!"

Goku turned and ran. Sanzo heard the door slam, and something inside him splintered with the sound of the slamming door.


	3. gojyo's side

At Sanzo's cruel words, Goku felt something inside him break, heard a faint voice cry out. _What? _Goku didn't understand who it was that was crying inside him.

"Go! Get out of my sight!" Sanzo snapped.

Goku turned and ran, holding his own tears back. He ran out the large, shrine-style doors of The Green Dragon Inn where the ikkou were staying. The rain poured down on him like his own hopeless despair. He thought of what Sanzo had asked him. _How can I ever tell him the truth? He'll hate me!_ Goku looked around. He was at the edge of the Centauri forest that was near the inn.

He walked into it slowly, still thinking. He knew why he did those things to Sanzo. He just couldn't tell Sanzo that. The truth was that he loved Sanzo. He didn't know what_ kind_ of love, but he knew that it was love that kept him by Sanzo's side in the meanest of moods. _What if it's love-love? What if I'm actually in love with Sanzo? He'd never accept that! He'd prolly kill me! ... I need help... _

Goku found what he was searching for: the cave. He entered it and sat on the dry floor. He was cold all the way to his bones, but that was nothing compared to the loneliness and hurt he felt inside. He looked out the cave entrance and watched the rain pour down with melancholy. _Why does he hate me?_

It was morning at The Green Dragon Inn, and the inhabitants were getting up. Gojyo came down the marble stairs, half expecting to see Goku stuffing his face. When all he saw was Sanzo, he said, "Hey, wheres the monkey?"

Sanzo looked up at him with an odd expression, but before Gojyo could figure it out, Sanzo said with his trademark snarl, "DoI look like a zookeeper to you? How should I know where that baka is at? If you're so concerned, kappa, you go look for his sorry ass!"

"Okay! Damn, I was just asking!" But it bothered Gojyo. Why had Sanzo reacted so strongly to the question? Had something happened? Gojyo decided to ask Hakkai his opinion.

"Well, Gojyo, maybe Sanzo is just in a bad mood, and Goku is making himself scarce to avoid having the bad mood taken out on him." Hakkai was straightening out the room that he and Gojyo shared.

"But that never kept Goku from bothering Sanzo before, Hakkai. And another thing. I heard them arguing last night. I was up to get a drink and I heard Sanzo yelling at Goku. Do you think he ran away?" Gojyo took a drag on his cigarette.

Hakkai's expression darkened slightly. "Gojyo, perhaps we should just let it be. It really isn't our concern in the first place." His voice was soft but there was a slight edge to it, and Gojyo saw his eyes flick meaningfully to the doorway at Gojyo's back.

Getting the message, Gojyo said,"Yeah...I guess." But he wasn't going to let it go. He wanted to know what was going on between the two.

Hakkai walked by him on his way out the door and said softly in a tone that only Gojyo could hear, "Talk to me more later." He smiled, and wasgone.


End file.
